When Who You Are Changes: Rebuilding Purpose and Connection
Last Sunday, we talked about how heart health involves so much more than movement—sleep, stress management, what you eat, and how you breathe all matter enormously. If you missed it, the core message was this: your heart responds to everything happening in your life, not just what happens during your morning walk.
This week, we’re diving into something that might surprise you: the powerful connection between emotional well-being and cardiovascular health. Specifically, we’re talking about what happens when the roles and identities we’ve built our lives around start to shift or disappear.
When Who You Are Changes
A reader wrote to me last month about something she’d been struggling with since her husband passed. She’d been managing the grief—or so she thought. But one morning, she woke up and realized she had nothing she needed to do. No one who needed her. The house was quiet. The calendar was empty.
“I used to be someone’s wife,” she wrote. “Someone’s mother. I worked for thirty-five years. Now I’m just... here. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.”
This is what loss of purpose feels like. And it happens in more ways than most people realize.
Retirement takes away the structure and identity you had for decades. Your children move away and suddenly you’re not needed in the same way. Your spouse passes, and with them goes not just a partner, but a daily routine, shared activities, and a sense of being part of a team. Friends start passing away, and your social circle shrinks. Health issues limit what you can do, changing how you see yourself.
Each of these losses is real. Each one chips away at the answer to the question: “Who am I now?”
And while this might seem like a purely emotional issue, your body—and especially your heart—is paying very close attention.
What Loneliness Does to Your Heart
The research on this is clearer than most people realize. Loneliness and lack of purpose aren’t just feelings that make you sad. They create measurable, physical changes in your cardiovascular system.
Studies show that loneliness increases your risk of heart disease by about 29% and your risk of stroke by 32%. That’s comparable to the impact of smoking or obesity. Social isolation and loneliness are associated with higher blood pressure, increased inflammation, and elevated stress hormones—all of which directly harm your heart.
When you feel disconnected or without purpose, your body interprets this as a threat. Your stress response stays activated. Cortisol levels remain elevated. Your heart rate stays higher than it should. Blood pressure doesn’t drop the way it needs to.
It’s as if your body is saying, “Something is wrong. We’re not safe. Stay alert.”
And your heart bears the burden of that constant vigilance.
But understanding this connection also points to something hopeful: if disconnection harms your heart, then connection—and rediscovering purpose—can heal it.
The Paradox of Being Alone
I remember what another reader told me some time ago: “I’m surrounded by people, but I’ve never felt more alone in my life.”
She lives in a retirement community. She has neighbors. She sees people at meals. But she doesn’t feel connected to any of them. She doesn’t feel known. She doesn’t feel like she matters to anyone specifically.
This is the loneliness paradox. You can be alone and feel perfectly content. Or you can be surrounded by people and feel profoundly lonely. The difference isn’t about proximity—it’s about connection, meaning, and mattering to someone.
What You’ll Learn Below the Paywall
In the premium section, we explore how to rebuild purpose and connection in ways that work for your actual life:
✅ Understanding the Identity Shift – The psychological changes that come with major life transitions and why they impact you so deeply
✅ The Three Types of Purpose – Identity, contribution, and meaning—which one you’re missing and how to find it
✅ Small Connections That Count – Practical ways to build meaningful relationships when starting over feels overwhelming
✅ Rebuilding Your Daily Structure – Creating routines that give your days shape and your life direction
✅ When Grief Lingers – Working through loss while moving forward (not just “getting over it”)
✅ Finding Your Way Forward – Specific, realistic suggestions to rediscover what makes you feel alive.