As an introvert, I don’t want a retirement filled with activities and people. After 40+ years in a corporate environment of daily forced socializing, I am just getting comfortable with getting back to myself. One commitment per week feels about right to me.
Agreed! I’m an introvert as well…I do not miss “team building “ exercises or attending meetings all day long…as you say “forced socializing”…good way to put it!
Amen to Barry and the responses to his comment. I read the original post and thought “Is it terrible if I say that I am really not buying into what the writer is talking about? That one of the real joys of retirement is being able to say yes to something and not worry that you are already committed? To be able to drop everything and go off on a holiday and not worry that things aren’t “covered”. And I am so glad that Barry raised his hand first and others have followed. My only regular commitment right now is a thrice weekly exercise group and three once a month book groups. No pressure on any of it. If I don’t turn up for a meeting the sky doesn’t fall in; I just make sure I turn up for any meeting where I’ve promised to lead the book discussion :) I just came back from 9 days in London on my own where I wandered the city, seeing what I wanted to, seeing the people I wanted to with no “must see/must do”. The only worry I had about what was going on back home was whether my husband was remembering to feed the dog. Bliss.
I mostly retired in my late 50s because, having worked hard for so many years at tough jobs that strained my introvert/Number 7-on-the-Enneagram soul, with little free time outside of family obligations, I then married late in life a person who took the financial burden off my shoulders. And my daughter married and started her own independent life. I was coaxed back to work a few times after that because of the very reasons that this Substack post outlines—that voices outside of my own claimed that how could I possibly enjoy just letting life evolve? Didn’t I still owe the world the benefit of my wisdom and experience? Truth was, every time I went back to work, every time I committed to some kind of volunteering, it turned out to be exactly as rigid as the jobs I had left. I felt my creative life, my spiritual life, contract back into the little box it had been in when I had my full-time career. I function best when I can just turn up for a particular short-term project and evaluate whether I am needed or not. Not needed because there are plenty of volunteers already, great, I am off. I have no great love of standing around trying to make conversation while the volunteer coordinators run around trying to find things for people to do. (Yes, there are many projects that really don’t need the number of people they say they do; it’s a social opportunity and that’s fine for people who want to socialize. But that’s not me.)
Sorry if that last bit sounds cynical. Truth is that most volunteering is hard work for introverts and for many of us coming out of years of working at stressful, soul crushing jobs, that’s really the last thing we need. And I realize the writer isn’t advocating “every day” be scheduled. But sometimes some of us need, as we enter into our last quarter century, for NO day to be scheduled. I have met too many, mostly women, whose volunteer jobs take over their lives and instead of it being “one day, just a couple of hours” it mushrooms into virtually every day of soothing ruffled feathers, of encountering needs you can’t possibly fulfill, of worrying about a future generation that can’t read or write and that’s not going to be solved by meeting a student for one hour, once a week. Want to grab a coffee? Oh no, sorry, I have a committee meeting or I promised I would…. Same people, same answer, over and over again. Again, if that’s what makes you happy, great. It isn’t what makes me happy.
Okay, have gone too far now. I’ll leave it at that and I think that people would be within their rights to respond to me that isn’t what the article is about. That the writer is addressing those people who WANT structure, not the people who don’t. I just wanted, as Barry did, to point out that there are other points of view so for folks who aren’t sure if they need to keep scheduling their lives as if they were still working, this is another point of view.
I really appreciate this perspective Valerie. And I don’t think it sounds cynical at all.
One of the real gifts of retirement can absolutely be the freedom to leave whole days unscheduled, to say yes on the spot, to let life unfold without another set of obligations taking over.
I think the key is exactly what you’re naming here: structure should serve the life you want, not quietly recreate the pressure you left behind. For some people, a small rhythm helps. For others, the absence of fixed commitments is the whole point.
I know exactly what you're talking about. Retirement only felt “shapeless” for a short time — once I started playing pickleball every morning and teaching and writing about it each day, the rhythm came back. Those anchors give my week structure without feeling like work. Your point about needing one real commitment, not a grand purpose, is exactly right.
Thanks. I think about this a lot. Like every weekend, especially on Saturday, when it truly feels like any other day except the TV news shows are crappy. I can't tell you how many times during the week my wife asks me "What day is it?" Love this article of yours.
I can attest that your suggestions work. Having pivoted from paid work to volunteering in my community, weekends continue to feel special as a separate category of time and activity.
I get good results from time boxing my week. Helps memory. Differentiates the week. Supports anticipatory savoring. Each day has a focus and movie night and date night bring regular joy. 🤗
I think the once a week commitment is a great idea. I, in no way, miss working or anything associated with it. I had a super stressful job and don’t miss it one bit. I wake up every morning grateful that I was able to retire, grateful that the day is mine, and grateful that I can decide how and what to do with my day. I love retirement.
I love this. That feeling of the day being yours again is exactly what I was thinking about. The structure should support that freedom, not take it away.
Since retirement I have been present to help my family in ways I couldn’t before, such as driving relatives to appointments or picking them up from work. One day a week I take my sister shopping and to run errands. Being available to pick up a sick child at school or to take another one to a service project opportunity has helped others and myself, too.
Loved this article and the lively responses it inspired, especially from my fellow introverts. Glad to know that I am not the only introvert on this platform, unlike my own retirement community where everyone else is “busy” all the time while I myself am simply content to be and go with the flow…
These are the best articles I have read regarding retirement. Very well written and speak directly to me and I’m sure many others…so glad I came upon them:)
This is important and has applications within mental health treatment & recovery. As my Substack skills improve, I will reference this article with respect to the importance of routine(s) to well spirited lives. Thank you, Diana. 👍
Thank you, Dan. I really appreciate this, especially coming from that perspective. Routine can sound small, but it can make such a difference in how steady and supported a life feels.
As an introvert, I don’t want a retirement filled with activities and people. After 40+ years in a corporate environment of daily forced socializing, I am just getting comfortable with getting back to myself. One commitment per week feels about right to me.
Agreed! I’m an introvert as well…I do not miss “team building “ exercises or attending meetings all day long…as you say “forced socializing”…good way to put it!
Amen to Barry and the responses to his comment. I read the original post and thought “Is it terrible if I say that I am really not buying into what the writer is talking about? That one of the real joys of retirement is being able to say yes to something and not worry that you are already committed? To be able to drop everything and go off on a holiday and not worry that things aren’t “covered”. And I am so glad that Barry raised his hand first and others have followed. My only regular commitment right now is a thrice weekly exercise group and three once a month book groups. No pressure on any of it. If I don’t turn up for a meeting the sky doesn’t fall in; I just make sure I turn up for any meeting where I’ve promised to lead the book discussion :) I just came back from 9 days in London on my own where I wandered the city, seeing what I wanted to, seeing the people I wanted to with no “must see/must do”. The only worry I had about what was going on back home was whether my husband was remembering to feed the dog. Bliss.
I mostly retired in my late 50s because, having worked hard for so many years at tough jobs that strained my introvert/Number 7-on-the-Enneagram soul, with little free time outside of family obligations, I then married late in life a person who took the financial burden off my shoulders. And my daughter married and started her own independent life. I was coaxed back to work a few times after that because of the very reasons that this Substack post outlines—that voices outside of my own claimed that how could I possibly enjoy just letting life evolve? Didn’t I still owe the world the benefit of my wisdom and experience? Truth was, every time I went back to work, every time I committed to some kind of volunteering, it turned out to be exactly as rigid as the jobs I had left. I felt my creative life, my spiritual life, contract back into the little box it had been in when I had my full-time career. I function best when I can just turn up for a particular short-term project and evaluate whether I am needed or not. Not needed because there are plenty of volunteers already, great, I am off. I have no great love of standing around trying to make conversation while the volunteer coordinators run around trying to find things for people to do. (Yes, there are many projects that really don’t need the number of people they say they do; it’s a social opportunity and that’s fine for people who want to socialize. But that’s not me.)
Sorry if that last bit sounds cynical. Truth is that most volunteering is hard work for introverts and for many of us coming out of years of working at stressful, soul crushing jobs, that’s really the last thing we need. And I realize the writer isn’t advocating “every day” be scheduled. But sometimes some of us need, as we enter into our last quarter century, for NO day to be scheduled. I have met too many, mostly women, whose volunteer jobs take over their lives and instead of it being “one day, just a couple of hours” it mushrooms into virtually every day of soothing ruffled feathers, of encountering needs you can’t possibly fulfill, of worrying about a future generation that can’t read or write and that’s not going to be solved by meeting a student for one hour, once a week. Want to grab a coffee? Oh no, sorry, I have a committee meeting or I promised I would…. Same people, same answer, over and over again. Again, if that’s what makes you happy, great. It isn’t what makes me happy.
Okay, have gone too far now. I’ll leave it at that and I think that people would be within their rights to respond to me that isn’t what the article is about. That the writer is addressing those people who WANT structure, not the people who don’t. I just wanted, as Barry did, to point out that there are other points of view so for folks who aren’t sure if they need to keep scheduling their lives as if they were still working, this is another point of view.
I really appreciate this perspective Valerie. And I don’t think it sounds cynical at all.
One of the real gifts of retirement can absolutely be the freedom to leave whole days unscheduled, to say yes on the spot, to let life unfold without another set of obligations taking over.
I think the key is exactly what you’re naming here: structure should serve the life you want, not quietly recreate the pressure you left behind. For some people, a small rhythm helps. For others, the absence of fixed commitments is the whole point.
Both can be true.
Yes! Yes! And a resounding yes! 👏
I’m getting “me” back! I understand! I could stare at a wall all day and be content!😂
Me too! Some of my best ideas were generated while staring at a wall… There is nothing like the stillness created by doing nothing at all.
Daydreaming, self-reflection, and being honest about yourself is some of the best therapy around! And it’s FREE! Of course the eGO doesn’t approve😂.
Best story I’ve read about how to organize your life in retirement. You need interests and engagement.
This article landed on the right day and time for me. Thank you.
Same here. I’m very relieved, frankly. I’m coming up on retirement fast and have been wondering what I’m going to DO with myself.
I know exactly what you're talking about. Retirement only felt “shapeless” for a short time — once I started playing pickleball every morning and teaching and writing about it each day, the rhythm came back. Those anchors give my week structure without feeling like work. Your point about needing one real commitment, not a grand purpose, is exactly right.
That’s exactly it. A rhythm that gives the week shape without making it feel like work again. I love the way you put that!
Thanks. I think about this a lot. Like every weekend, especially on Saturday, when it truly feels like any other day except the TV news shows are crappy. I can't tell you how many times during the week my wife asks me "What day is it?" Love this article of yours.
I can attest that your suggestions work. Having pivoted from paid work to volunteering in my community, weekends continue to feel special as a separate category of time and activity.
I get good results from time boxing my week. Helps memory. Differentiates the week. Supports anticipatory savoring. Each day has a focus and movie night and date night bring regular joy. 🤗
I think the once a week commitment is a great idea. I, in no way, miss working or anything associated with it. I had a super stressful job and don’t miss it one bit. I wake up every morning grateful that I was able to retire, grateful that the day is mine, and grateful that I can decide how and what to do with my day. I love retirement.
I love this. That feeling of the day being yours again is exactly what I was thinking about. The structure should support that freedom, not take it away.
Tami ZZZ I agree with you 💯 👏
Since retirement I have been present to help my family in ways I couldn’t before, such as driving relatives to appointments or picking them up from work. One day a week I take my sister shopping and to run errands. Being available to pick up a sick child at school or to take another one to a service project opportunity has helped others and myself, too.
That’s such a meaningful kind of freedom. Not just having time for yourself, but having enough space in your life to show up for the people you love!
Loved this article and the lively responses it inspired, especially from my fellow introverts. Glad to know that I am not the only introvert on this platform, unlike my own retirement community where everyone else is “busy” all the time while I myself am simply content to be and go with the flow…
These are the best articles I have read regarding retirement. Very well written and speak directly to me and I’m sure many others…so glad I came upon them:)
Thank you Sue, I appreciate this!
This is important and has applications within mental health treatment & recovery. As my Substack skills improve, I will reference this article with respect to the importance of routine(s) to well spirited lives. Thank you, Diana. 👍
Thank you, Dan. I really appreciate this, especially coming from that perspective. Routine can sound small, but it can make such a difference in how steady and supported a life feels.